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20 January 2010 @ 03:57 pm
I don't want to care. Teach me how.  
Suddenly it feels like I don't know anyone all over again. If we're friends, we talk, we say whatever is on our mind. Not hold it back and worry what the fuck the other person's gonna think, we're gonna try to solve it make it better. We're just gonna spill and not worry about what the other person's thinking of judging.. honestly, sometimes it makes you wonder if the road alone might be less bumpier than the ones intertwined with others. It's as if nothing's crystal clear and it'll never be and it can never be black and white, it can never be all laid out of the table because we're all so dimensional like that.

Honestly, you really think you're gonna work everything out on your own sticking to yourself, playing mindgames, telling people tidbits of things and then expect people to understand what the hell you really want? You think I'll forever be here telling you it's okay, yes it's like that and not expect anything from you? I'm not here as your stepping stone, I'm here as your end and not for you to turn to just because you can't stand it any longer. And really, sometimes I can get so sick and tired of people and their bullshit, why must we be playing games like this and saying things again and again when we've just said it a few days before? I actually want something real for once and not something where I have to keep probing and using my damn persistence to get shit out of anyone.. it's so tiring to keep pushing and trying for it. I don't need people who doesn't get me, or want to tell me things, or want to be around me. If you're just gonna sit there and cry and whine and worry.. then i worry you aren't gonna enjoy life very much. I know, so much irony but really, why can't we all just shut up, sit down and get all your shit out flat out to someone if you think that person actually matters to you.

But forget it, i'm just gonna let it go. Easy come easy go. That's my new resolution: Keep things real. If it happens, it happens. I'm just really gonna take everything with a pinch of salt. No more attachments because it means excessive worrying about people that don't give a shit because all they want is just someone else with something better to offer. Either that, or I really don't get them or simply.. I don't want to think about it. Because I'm learning the art of not wanting to care.
 
 
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